I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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