You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
