I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
