Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
