those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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