Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
