i don't plan on having that self control this summer
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
