Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
