You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
