Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
