sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
