I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
