Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
