I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
NoShamevember. You game?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
