Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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