Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
