Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
