..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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