I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
