it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
