Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
