i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
