I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
