i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
