I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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