i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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