I can text with my tongue
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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