Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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