my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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