Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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