He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
