I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
