I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
