Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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