You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I love you. Go after that dick
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
