Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
