I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
