Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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