Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
