I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
