Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
