Im at strip club and am horny
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I need moral support for this bender
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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