i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
