you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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