mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
