So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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