So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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