I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
