I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
