Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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