Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
