It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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